Little Girl On A Plane

A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don't know crap?"

Then she went back to reading her book.

Actual Australian Court Case

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.  

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.  

The man seemed more amused.  

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,

she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
  

The case came up in court. 
 

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)

what he had to say for himself.

The man replied,

'Well your Honor, it was like this:

when the lady got on the bus,

I couldn't help but notice her condition.  

She sat down under a sign that said,

'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. 

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

  But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time

and sat under a sign that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

... I just lost it.' 
 

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

What Women Want in a Man?

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

Kids Are Quick - Funny

Part 1

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

Part 2
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

Part 3
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Part 4
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.